Swedish Chef. Translated.

"Translation" in English:

Turtle... It's tasty! Yes, very tasty!
It tastes like shit in a Christmas buffet.
Go away, go away, go away.
Oops… Today, I am going to make turtle.
So we have to boil it. Shhh!
And it has nothing in its belly, so…
What a little buster…
Good turtle. Gooood turtle.
Oooh!
I gonna kill you! [in English]
Ahhhhh!
What an odd little guy!
Kadyboom-boom! Is anybody there?
You little...
Okay, now we're going to see who's the boss!
Stand still you coward!
Are you completely crazy?!?!?!?!
*!”@&%’#

Full story on The Slate.